By Didi Diane Lynch
I am not a natural girl. You will not find me camping during a three -day weekend in Yosemite Park, The Adirondacks, or The Wisconsin Dells. Lounging maybe, cigarette in hand- bug repellent within arms reach and of course a diet beverage of some kind nearby, but camping, as in we-sleep-in-a-tent? Hell to the NO.
Why? The answer is: Because I am Plush Girl. Do not attempt to change me, as I will beat you with my Jeffrey Campbell shoes. Why? Well, it goes without saying, I’m peculiar too. I am one of those artsy type chicks, but I have a logical side. Hence, the eccentric, anomalous, kooky hijinks whilst concurrently pondering Kant, evolutionary biology, fracking, mascara, and fashion week. There are others like me.
Don’t get me wrong – LOVE the great outdoors. I just find it highly unnecessary to sleep there – in a tent, no less. I mean bugs live there. May I also remind you: Tents have no bathrooms. So, do not blame me when you have poison ivy or a bad case of wisteria! OK, so that is a shrub… Nonetheless, it just sounds contagious.
Hiking. It sounds so promising. Really it truly does, but then you need special “hiking” shoes and equipment. Right? Well, regardless, I’m sure I would get all breathy and huffy trying to scale some mound of whatever the hell it is – earth or something… To top this off I am very uncoordinated, falling on the slightest pebble with my 5-inch platforms. How am I going to balance a cigarette, Starbucks and scaling up some mountainous terrain? I know, right?!?!
Look, I don’t care how this sounds, but I would rather stay at home with a pile of fashion magazines, drinking coffee, trying on mass mascaras and getting fat on cupcakes than to go camping. I would. So, if you extend me an invitation during the upcoming Independence Day weekend, you know it should include one of the above and a room at the nearest Ritz Carlton. Good to know –right?
Plush girls unite!